The 1990s was a transformative decade, not only for fashion, music, and pop culture but also for relationship milestones like proposals and engagements. Engagement ring etiquette in the 90s combined both traditional customs and the new trends that were shaping the era. The decade brought a unique set of expectations regarding the selection, presentation, and even discussions surrounding the engagement ring. Whether influenced by iconic romantic films or the rise of celebrity culture, engagement rings were more than just a symbol of commitment—they became a status symbol, an expression of love, and an item steeped in certain etiquette.
1. Choosing the Engagement Ring
In the 90s, there was a distinct emphasis on personalization. Couples began straying from the standard solitaire diamond rings that dominated earlier decades, and the choices were driven by a desire to express individuality. While the traditional diamond engagement ring remained popular, colored gemstones like sapphires, emeralds, and even rubies gained favor, thanks in part to high-profile engagements (such as Princess Diana’s sapphire ring).
The etiquette surrounding choosing a ring was clear: the proposer, usually the man, selected the ring, often without consulting his partner. This was seen as a romantic gesture, rooted in tradition. However, in the latter part of the decade, some couples began breaking this mold, with brides-to-be having more input on the design and style of their rings. This shift reflected a growing trend toward modern, egalitarian relationships.
2. The Proposal: Public or Private?
Proposals in the 90s ranged from grand public gestures to intimate, private moments. While today’s social media-driven world encourages flashy, public displays, the 90s were a more balanced time in terms of proposal etiquette. For those who chose public proposals, there were certain unwritten rules to follow. First, the proposer should have a good sense of their partner’s personality. A shy or introverted person might prefer a quiet, private moment rather than a public spectacle.
The engagement ring presentation was often considered the highlight of the proposal. It was a significant moment, and how the ring was offered could impact the entire tone of the proposal. Kneeling was still the expected gesture, embodying respect and sincerity. Many adhered to the idea that this humble stance was a vital part of the engagement ring etiquette.
3. Who Pays for the Engagement Ring?
The question of who should pay for the engagement ring was straightforward in the 90s: traditionally, the man. The cost of the ring often followed the well-known “two months’ salary” rule, promoted by diamond companies as the ideal spending benchmark. This rule, though questioned by many, was widely accepted as part of the ring-buying process. Discussions around cost and financial contributions were still largely kept private, with most women leaving the financial aspect of the purchase to their partners.
However, as the decade progressed and gender roles started to shift, more couples began to break free from this convention. For some, splitting the cost of the ring became more common, reflecting the changing dynamics of relationships and the increasing financial independence of women during the 90s.
4. Engagement Announcements
Once the proposal was accepted, the next step was to announce the engagement. In the 90s, social media didn’t exist, so couples relied on phone calls, handwritten notes, and in-person visits to share the good news. The engagement ring would be proudly displayed during these moments, and etiquette dictated that close family members were informed first, followed by friends and acquaintances.
Another important part of 90s engagement etiquette was the timing of the announcement. Couples often waited a few days or even weeks before going public with the news to ensure they had time to inform immediate family members personally. Once the engagement was announced, the bride-to-be’s family traditionally hosted an engagement party to celebrate the event.
5. Returning the Ring
Though not the happiest of subjects, the 90s engagement ring etiquette included rules for what should happen if the engagement was broken off. In general, if the proposal was rejected or the engagement ended before marriage, the ring was to be returned to the giver. It was considered a gift with a condition—the condition being the actual marriage. If the relationship didn’t result in marriage, etiquette dictated that the ring should not be kept.
Conclusion
The 90s engagement ring etiquette was a blend of traditional values and new, evolving ideas about relationships. While many customs from earlier decades persisted, the era also saw a shift towards personalization, with couples beginning to make decisions together. Whether you look back at the 90s as a time of iconic proposals or groundbreaking shifts in relationship dynamics, one thing remains clear: the engagement ring remained a central part of the romantic journey.